Somehow, dropping my 13 year old son off at middle school this morning has led me to researching if men get PMS. How did I get here??
I’ve been living the good life. The last few years have been easy sailing. My pre-teens make their own breakfast in the morning, they close their bedroom doors so I don’t have to see the incredible mess, they pick out their own clothes and they love me. They love me. They love me. That sounds so nice to hear. But I’m afraid that these last few years have been the calm before the storm.
When they were little, I thought those were the hard times. Diapers, colds, sleepless nights, tantrums. Don’t get me wrong, I remember how hard it is. But at least I knew where they were, who they were with and what they were doing.
I know it’s not right to say. I know that good moms don’t say that they are scared of their own teenagers. They say things like “Oh, appreciate the adults that they are turning into” or “Love every day with them, soon they’ll be going away to college”. But I am scared. I’m scared of these moods that suddenly take over and the more I ask “what’s the matter?”, the darker the mood gets. I’m scared of drugs and alcohol and all of the stupid things that I did when I was a young person. I’m scared of seeing them lose good friends. I’m scared of social media. I’m scared of not knowing where they are at all minutes of the day. I’m scared of the new friends that they’ll be making with unknown parents and unknown values. I’m just scared!
I know, I know. You raise them right so that they can fly off on their own someday and be successful adults. I know. But I also know that I hear about teens daily with good parents, good homes and yet, somehow, an opioid addiction. Or runaways. Or worse.
The funny thing is, this morning my son was mean to his sister, mean to me, really just plain mean all around. He got out of the car to go to school without a word – just with a mean look on his face. He was determined to make me feel as bad as he was feeling. And it worked. Here I am, obsessing about his future teen years. And you know what? He’s at school having a great time. He’s hanging out with friends, being the class clown and loving every minute of his day. When I pick him up from school, if I were to say anything about this morning, he would have no idea what I was talking about. He transferred his mood onto me and it made him feel better.
You know how I know this? I did the same thing to my mom when I was a teen. I didn’t know it at the time, I thought SHE was the irritating one. But it was me. And I took it out on her because she was safe and somehow I knew she would love me know matter what.
And you know what else? She DID love me no matter what. And guess who I called the minute that my mean teen son got out of the car without even a look or a nod? My own poor mom, who has already gone through all of this, multiple times, and gives me sympathy and love even though I talk bad about her grandson. And who, probably, is enjoying the tables turning just a little.
So in the meantime, I guess I just need to keep on loving him with every minute of my day and wait until he realizes that it’s not me that’s the irritating one (usually). I have to admit, I’m also looking forward to the day that he calls me because he has a mean teen himself.
And by the way, while I knew that men don’t really get PMS, I did learn something new. Apparently, men get IMS “Irritable Male Syndrome”. This explains a lot. Google it. I’m off to read some teen parenting self-help books. If you have a good one for me, leave it in the comments!! Good luck parenting!!